Children interpret things much differently than adults. What we might feel is encouragement, could feel quite the opposite for a child. The stage right before 2, when you child is no longer an infant, but not quite a “kid” yet can be difficult to maneuver around.

You see your child changing every day, learning new concepts and behaviors, failing and succeeding with every little thing they do. Sometimes we comfort them successfully when they are frustrated, but other times we can lose sight of their perspective by getting stuck in our own frustrations. A child will pick any time to follow their curiosity: during rush hour traffic; or at the grocery store at 5pm when the entire world is shopping; when you’re trying to make an appointment on time; or when your child stops to follow a bug flying around the yard…not always the most convenient time to stop and explain the mysteries of the world to a toddler, but in fact it is the best time.

For example: earlier today, Little B woke up late for her nap.  I was running around trying to get things packed and her dressed, when she discovered that she is fully capable of undressing and dressing herself.  At first I tried to hustle her around, but she protested quite loudly that she can in fact, “do it herself”.  So, I backed off, because even though I knew we were going to be late and probably miss swim class, the importance of this little one feeling the satisfaction of her completing her task was greater.  She was so proud of herself,and afterwards I realized that I was caught up in my daily tasks of “caring”, but not focused on the “child” and her own special tasks and needs.  A sense of autonomy is a wonderful feeling to have, and even our little ones need some now and then!

Catching a child right when they’re engaged with amazement is the best time to introduce new concepts and ideas. Children learn best through their own exploration nurtured through our guidance and acceptance of their expanding little minds. Even when the timing is not perfect; and even if you haven’t had the first cup of coffee, follow your child’s lead and you will provide them with an endless path of learning and awareness.

So, how do you encourage your children along without weakening their self esteem and confidence? I often hear parents using the terms “Big Kid” and “Baby” towards their child’s behaviors and emotions, this can be a positive encouragement if used correctly. I often stick to just using “Big Kid” when I’m explaining a new concept to a child, like if I’m going to take away their bottle or pacifier at 2, I might say something like, “Ok you’re going to be 2 in a couple weeks, that means you’re a big kid now and the bottles are going to go bye bye .” or “You dressed yourself, just like a big girl!!”. It’s important for me and the kids I work with to always use words and phrases that will encourage, not discourage a child. What I do stay away from, is referring to a child as a baby because they didn’t follow through with a command, didn’t show a behavior properly, or perhaps are having a whining fit.

Remembering that children learn through their failures.  When in that moment when they’ve just fallen down or can’t quite get that zipper all the way up and they express the frustrations out loud, if we tell them “Why are you crying? Are you a baby?” we have not only discouraged them, but have failed to provide them with a safe environment , one where they can express themselves freely and openly without fear of insult. Because, even we, the “big big kids”, still fail at times and we still express negative emotions so we shouldn’t expect anything less from our children.

A little one I worked with a few years ago, had a hard time learning to take her socks off.  She kept pulling up from the middle and would scream out in frustration when she couldn’t figure it out.  I told her to, “Stop, relax and try again” and then gave her an idea to pull from the back of her ankle.  She sorta slumped down still frustrated and pouting for me to do it, instead I walked away and gave her some space. A few minutes later, I peeked around the corner to see her pulling the back of her sock off from her ankle and eventually pulling  both her socks off. She squeeled with delight, “MARI!!! I DID IT!!”.  Giving her encouragement along with advice provided her with confidence she needed to not give up.  That’s the key, to teach our children to never give up!  The sock coming off her foot was not as important to me as the lesson to always keep trying was.

Again, it’s important to remember that even though crying, whining, screaming and fits are extremely stressful and frustrating for us, for your child it’s the only way they know to express themselves, to really be heard. So by responding with nurturing and calmness you will find these fits to happen less and less, allowing your child will thrive in an environment that supports both their success and failures.