Author Archives: wpadmin

Sick Tips for Babies and Toddlers

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One thing is for sure, toddlers get sick quite often. By quite often, I mean A LOT! The little one I care for has been sick every month since September. When they get their fevers, coughs, the pukes it breaks my heart and I have to fight the urge to take them to the Doctor for every sneeze, ache, and tear. I wanted to give some advice on when to take your child to the Doctor and also some great homemade remedies that seem to help the little ones. While, I’m not a Doctor I have been through just about every illness with children and this is just my advice that I hope you can benefit from.

Mari Tips:

  • If your child has a temperature of 103.0 and higher, take them to the Doctor ASAP. If it’s after hours, your insurance probably has a Pediatric of Regular after hours care that you can go to. It’s normal for children to vomit or get a rash when they have a virus, the vomiting usually is a result of a barking cough and the rash is just another way for the virus to surface, sometimes your child can have no cold symptoms at all and still break out in a rash (usually on the torso, back, and neck). Watch it for a couple days and if it’s not better by the next day or paired with a high fever and soreness take him/her in immediately. Also call an advice nurse anytime you are unsure of symptoms, it’s a great way to get medical advice and also some reassurance.

 

  • For coughs, I recently found a great vapor chest remedy that works wonders for children (and adults).  Get some coconut oil, as much as you think you might need, and put 3 drops of Eucalyptus oil and 2 drops Peppermint oil in and mix it thoroughly.  You can rub it on your child’s chest, whenever she is congested.  Works great.
  • I make a “tea” for the little ones.  I use lemon, honey, and cinnamon mixed in some hot water and add orange juice to cool it off.  Honey is the best cough medicine out there, so if your child will take a spoonful of honey (cue Mary Poppins here) great, if not the tea will get some honey down her to soothe those little bronchial passages.

 

  • Keep a big pot of water with Sage, Peppermint and Lavender boiling and steaming throughout the day.  This will help to clear sinuses and congestion.

 

  • Get a cool steam humidifier for your child’s room.  This helps to moisturize her sinuses and keep her as comfortable as possible at night while suffering from a bad cold and cough.
  • Now for us adults to avoid getting ill:  Take ZINC, ZINC, ZINC, ZINC, ZINC!!  At the first sign of your little ones symptoms start loading up on the Zinc.
Most importantly, the best cures for the “sickeys” are lots of I love you’s and lots of cuddles.  Unfortunately for children under 4 years , there’s not a lot of medicine you can give them safely to ease symptoms, so, using the remedies above and keeping them hydrated, comfortable, and adored is the best bet for our little ones!

Babysitter or Nanny? What’s the Difference?

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First, let me say this: there is nothing wrong with being a babysitter. I was one in high school. But today, I get quite annoyed when friends ask me “Do you have to babysit tomorrow?”.

I feel like when people ask me that, they are downgrading my work to something that I just kinda fell into, rather then an actual career path I studied really hard in school for. So why did I choose childcare? Why be a nanny? And what exactly IS the difference between a babysitter and a nanny? Is a nanny just a full-time babysitter?

I know it can be difficult to understand the differences between a babysitter and a nanny at first. Perhaps you haven’t been around children that much; or you are a first time parent and just beginning to learn about the different aspects of raising a child.  The greatest thing you can do for your infant is provide them with the best childcare you can afford; that includes a nanny, daycare and/or a stay-at-home parent/relative.

Having a solid understanding of the different types of childcare available before you begin your search will help to ease some of the stress, and allow you to find the best care for your child.

My short answer to the babysitter vs. nanny question: A babysitter keeps your kids alive, clean and fed. A nanny keeps your kids alive, clean and fed… as they help to develop social skills, cognitive and physical abilities while incorporating the parents’ philosophies and guidelines. 

My previous employer’s answer: “A babysitter is someone who comes to your house maybe for a few hours, plays for a bit but is basically there to make sure the walls are still standing when you get back. A nanny is someone is who takes the time to teach and care for your children, and that you’re 100% comfortable leaving your children with because you know they are in good hands.”

So what’s a nanny?

A nanny is a person who is has made a long-term commitment to the family they work for and is personally invested in the children for whom he/she is responsible, in a regular and ongoing arrangement.

A qualified nanny has gone through some kind of formal training, whether it is a college degree in child development or parenting courses. Nannies have monumental significance in the intellectual and emotional development of their young charges– and the best nannies know how to make the most of this to help the child(ren) achieve their maximum potential.

All day long, I am actively aware of my position and the importance of keeping my full attention on the little one with me– and it’s not just to make sure she’s not running out into the street. Whether it’s:

  • Keeping up verbal interaction, which is correlated with higher IQ
  • Making recommendations to the family for age-appropriate books, play, meals, outings, exploring
  • Finding opportunities to teach during playtime or while on outing
  • Keeping up with the latest studies and science on kid’s nutrition, behavior, development
  • I must also be aware of the child’s own self, of her sense of independence, emotions, opinions, and ideas. I must provide her with an safe environment where she can freely express herself without fear of failure, judgment or ridicule.

Now, along with keeping in mind all of that, I must also implement the values and ideas from the parents, to make sure that I am keeping the little one on the same path her parents want her to be on. This comes into play on so many levels:

  • Dietary concerns. Some of the guidelines from my current family: no fast food, organic whenever possible, but desserts and sweets are ok.
  • Discipline. With kids you have to pick your battles and your methods. How to deal effectively with biting, tantrums and other undesirable behaviors should be discussed.
  • Educational methods. Just as preschools have different philosophies, so do parents. My current family prefers play-based learning versus structured-academic.
  • TV and electronics. Is the family strictly against exposure to TV and computers? Or strictly for it, with TVs and smartphones always on? Or somewhere in the middle?

In summary, a nanny is a person is who not only committed to your child, but to your family as well.  Most nannies have many years of experience working with children, and some have an education in child development/psychology that they bring into their positions within families.  These are the nannies you want, a person who values and respects her job and her duties and has a full understanding of the influence they wield.

What’s a babysitter?

A babysitter is defined by limits: the duration of their exposure to your kids, the skills required, and the scope of responsibilities.  A sitter tends to have a short term, on-call presence in your children’s lives. There is minimal training necessary to be considered a qualified babysitter. A babysitter can be very fond of or even love your children, but he/she does not have any long-term responsibility for mental and emotional growth.

And because sitters typically do not spend significant time with the children, they don’t have the same level of knowledge of the parents’ philosophies. What should be done if Jack isn’t sharing with his sister? How does the family feel about fast food? What are the three most important learning activities for this age? A nanny should know the answer to all those questions. A sitter probably will not.

I hope that was helpful. Please let me know in the comments if you have any questions!

A Smiley Face for Mari!!

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There’s a test I like to give the little ones I work with now and then starting from the time we begin to do art projects, usually around 1 or so. It’s called, The DAP (draw a person) test, it’s been used for many years now, although most professionals will give the test to children around the ages for 3-4, but I like to start earlier, usually asking the children to draw a smiley face, instead of a person (sort of like a toddler version).  It’s a very simple test, really, but it gives me so much valuable information about their cognitive development that I try to give it at least a couple times a month.

Today, Little B finally did it!!  She drew her first smiley face!!!

Before this smiley face, she would draw scribbles and say, “see my face!!”.  I would cheer and applaud her “face” asking her where the eyes and mouth were and she would either point to a random spot on the page or ignore my question all together.  But today, she pointed right to the eyes and said, “these are his eyes, his mouth, and hair!!”.  It was quite the epic moment, at 2, she draws her first smiley face!!!

Mari’s Top 10 Holiday Gift Ideas!!

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I love, love, LOVE shopping for little ones, and love even more to see the excitement in their eyes once they’ve opened their gifts. Below is a list of gifts I’ve given to children with total and complete success. Mari Tip: One of the best things I’ve ever done for my career and best Auntie of the world position is sign up for Amazon Mom. It’s completely free and you get 2 day shipping FREE and one day shipping for 3.99. Also, if you sign up for subscribe and save for certain items (diapers, wipes, formula, etc) you get an extra discount!! Check it out: Amazon Mom

Cloud b Twilight Constellation Night Light, Turtle I absolutely love this night light. Not only is it adorable, but it’s a great addition to the sleep time routine and an amazing night light. With 3 different choices in color, it allows for your little one to set their own mood before falling asleep beneath a constellation of stars. Love it!!
Fisher-Price Kid-Tough Digital Camera – PinkThis is one of the best gifts I’ve ever bought for a toddler. How many times has your little one taken your mobile phone to take their own pictures, only to leave behind greasy fingerprints or a good old drop into a puddle of water? This camera is amazing, it’s built “kid tough” so you can throw it, drop it, lose it, scratch it up and it will still work like a charm. This is one toy that has been kid tested and definitely adult approved. It’s extra special to see the world through your little ones eyes, some of the photos they take can be absolutely funny, kids make photography unpredictable and eventful!! Note: It also comes in blue.

Vtech – InnoTab Interactive Learning TabletThis little tablet does it all. It’s an mp3 player, video player, educational tool and sanity saver for the traveling family. I just had a 15 hour road trip with my nephew, and I wish I had this tablet for him. He used mine, but without the added “kid stuff” he was over it after about 15 minutes of playing or so. Because this tablet is made for kids, it is a great item to have. Use it as part of your reward program, or bring it out only for long trips and allow your child just enough freedom and yourself some inner peace.

Melissa & Doug Car Carrier I love Melissa and Doug products. I love that they use non-toxic material for all of their items, and they make really great quality products at an affordable price. I bought this for my nephew and it is one of his favorite toys.

Melissa & Doug See & Spell This puzzle is the best. I’ve used it very early on with kids, before the age of 1, as a matching game; then continued with it as a reading and spelling aid. It works on many different skills: sight reading, shapes, letters, colors, reading and spelling skills. Definitely a must for the early genius minds!!

Melissa & Doug Wooden Shape Sorting Clock Another great addition for your child. Like the See and Spell, this puzzle can be used before the age of 2 as a matching game to teach shapes, colors, and numbers. After 3 or so, you can begin introducing the skill: Time, to your child. This clock gives a hands on approach to teaching numbers and time through play, which is the best way children learn and retain information.

Melissa & Doug Deluxe Dinosaur in a Box Jigsaw Puzzles Just a fun puzzle. I love dinosaurs, so this puzzle is always a fun go to for those rainy days. Puzzles stimulate thinking and help to coordinate the thought/action process; they are a great way to allow your child some quality learning time and quiet time to wind down from those extra stimulated days.

Melissa & Doug Deluxe Standing Easel This I love. I love doing art projects with all the little kiddos I work with. This easel makes for cleaning up those messy projects a breeze. Put it in your garage for winter time art projects or out in the back patio for summer day projects. Because of its mobility it makes art time tons of fun for your little ones and less of a hassle for you after.

Llama Llama Misses Mama
This book is wonderful, especially for your little ones about to begin pre-school. I love the Llama Llama series, the author gives a fun and cute approach to finding solutions for everyday struggles, anxiety and fear, and new experiences children face:

“It’s Llama Llama’s first day of preschool! And Llama Llama’s mama makes sure he’s ready. They meet the teachers. See the other children. Look at all the books and games. But then it’s time for Mama to leave. And suddenly Llama Llama isn’t so excited anymore. Will Mama Llama come back? Of course she will. But before she does, the other children show Llama Llama how much fun school can be!”

Giraffes Can’t Dance
This is one of the best books for children of any age. I love books that encourage and praise the individual, and this book does just that. It teaches a child to welcome their differences and allow them to shine, to acknowledge their own fears and find strength within themselves to do what they love no matter their capabilities. Absolutely love this book.

Peanut Butter and Jellyfish: Our World From A Toddler’s Perspective.

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It’s no secret that toddlers are quite possibly the most adorable things on the planet. Between their wide eyed curiosity, contagious giggles, random outburst, and incredible sense of adventures it’s hard to pin point just what makes them tick. I’m fortunate to be allowed into these little minds and I’d like to share some funny experiences with you!

It was little Sally’s first time at the Academy of Sciences in San Francisco, she was about 16 months old at the time and had already had an incredible vocabulary and a broading intellect that was challenging at times to maneuver around with a toddler.

So we’re enjoying the exhibits and we venture downstairs where the aquarium is. Sally becomes obsessed with these weird translucent floating objects in one to the tanks.
She points to it, looks at me and says, “Iko (a nickname she used for me), what is it?”
I said, “It’s a jellyfish, Sally, they live in the ocean.”
She smiles, stares a little more and then moves on to the next animal.
Fast forward to later in the week and I ask Sally what she would like for lunch. She says, “Ummm peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich, please!”
I begin to laugh and Sally says, “What? What’s wrong?” My laugh then turns into hysterics, that this little one had generalized “jellyfish” to “jelly” and from then on she would only ask for peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches.

Every morning the first thing Little B’s parents and I do is make a cup of coffee. It’s a routine, one that she has seen since the day of her arrival. One day as I’m arriving for work, Little B’s Mother tells me to “Watch this!”. Her Mother asks her what the coffee machine is called, and little B (who was not even 1 yet) starts coughing. It takes me awhile, but then I get it. She had translated “coffee” to “cough” in her little mind. So every time we made and drank coffee she would point to it and start coughing.

It’s just so funny to see how little ones learn new words, and also how those new words are used by them. I have a stutter when I speak, and little Emily when she was about 2.5 noticed it one day and asked me why I spoke funny.
I explained to her the best I could by saying, “Well, sometimes the words get stuck in my mouth and it takes me longer to get them out.”
“Oh”, she says and goes on with her playing.
A few weeks later I’m with the girls again, and little Emily says outloud to everyone in the room (to her parents and I, after I had stuttered on a word), “Oh Mari, do you have a stick stuck in your throat again?!?!”
She got the gist of it…I think!! 🙂

Goodbye Johnson and Johnson… Hello SAFE Baby Products!!

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With the alarming new report released by Campaign for Safe Cosmetics calling out Johnson and Johnson and their use of cancer causing carcinogens in their products, there is cause for great concern:

“More than two years after leading health and parents’ groups asked Johnson & Johnson (NYSE: JNJ) to reformulate its flagship baby shampoo to remove a chemical that releases formaldehyde, a known carcinogen, the company is still using the formaldehyde-releasing ingredient in Johnson’s Baby Shampoo in the United States, Canada and China, while making formaldehyde-free versions of the shampoo in several other countries, according to a new analysis conducted by the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics.”  Campaign for Safe Cosemetics

Thankfully we have options! Here is a list of the top baby products I recommend for use with the children I care for. I’ve used them over the years and have thoroughly researched them based on: ingredients, rating (0-1) on the Environmental Working Group (a site designed to provide indepth information about the ingredients used in common household products, the sites main goal is to protect consumers health), and affordability. I’ve done all the work, now you can have all the fun!

Everyday Shea Shea Butter Shampoo and Body Wash for Babies and Up — 16 fl oz

Everyday Shea Shea Butter Baby Lotion — 16 fl oz

California Baby Super Sensitive Shampoo and Body Wash, No Fragrance, 8.5 Ounce Bottle

Sunblock Stick 30 + No Fragrance – 0.50 oz – Stick

Earth Mama Angel Baby Angel Baby Bottom Balm, 2-Ounce Jar

Earth Mama-Angel Baby Organic Angel Baby Shampoo & Body Wash, 5.3 fl oz (160 ml)

Dr. Bronner – Organic Unscented Baby-Mild Pure Castile Soap., 8 fl oz liquid

Adorable Baby SPF 30+ Sunscreen Stick Non-Nano Zinc Oxide UVA/UVB

“Sleep Training”: A Kindness, Not a Cruelty

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It’s 7pm. Which best describes your world?

  1. Your cranky 1-year old is in your arms while you rock/sing/tear your hair out waiting for him to drop off
  2. Your cranky 1 year old is protesting in his crib; after 10 minutes he is now peacefully adrift in sleep

If your world sounds more like #2, chances are you have been regularly working on some form of sleep training. It’s unfortunate that the idea of sleep training has a bad rap in some circles, but I can see why. Its very name, along with another common term “crying it out”, both sound draconian and heartless. But trust me: it’s neither.

I have worked with many moms who initially reacted negatively to the idea, until we worked through what sleep training is and isn’t. In my opinion, sleep training really needs a good PR campaign to counteract the misinformation and misconceptions out there, because there are many documented benefits:

    • Research done by Van Ijzendoorn M. H.; Hubbard F. O. A. found that: “Contrary to our expectations, the more frequently mothers ignored
      their infants’ crying bouts in the first nine-week period, the less
      frequently their infants cried in the following nine-week period, even
      if intervening variables like earlier crying and synchronous
      responsiveness were controlled for. ‘Benign neglect’ of fussing may
      stimulate the emergent abilities in infants to cope with mild
      distress.”
    • Parents who sleep train their children, usually see improvements in their own stress levels, mood, and interactions with their children: “Following treatment, only positive side effects were observed. When compared to the wait-list group, mothers in the standard ignoring group reported less verbose discipline and decreased stress in parenting, while mothers in the graduated ignoring group reported improved parent/child relationships. Treatment gains were maintained over a 2-month follow-up period.” Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology

Most importantly, sleep training develops your baby’s ability to self-soothe. Self-soothing promotes independence, self-confidence even into adulthood (see study below on addiction)

From my experience, sleep training your infant as soon as possible is the way to go.  I like to have infants I work with sleep trained by the end of 3 months or early into the 4th month I like this time because most infants still enjoy being swaddled, which helps to soothe the child by adding the physical sensation of being held while falling asleep.

I usually begin with nap time as this is easier for me to gauge an infant’s response and determine if the time is actually right to begin sleep training. It also helps to take away some of the experience of stress a infant might exhibit before moving onto nighttime training with their parents, making it easier on both infants and parents.

It’s important to know that in no way are you harming your child. During a “crying it out” moment, your child is generally crying for two reasons:

  1. She does not know how to self-soothe herself yet.
  2. She is protesting the change through the only way she knows how.

The only way self-soothing can be learned is through crying it out, but it is such an important step, as self soothing is an important key factor in your child’s emotional health.  The ability to self soothe stays with your child into adulthood, as it can act as a defense against substance abuse, eating disorders, and many other compulsive disorders (Superbaby, Dr. Jenn Bermann).  Keep in mind that throughout this process, consistency is key and although hearing your child’s cries can be difficult, it is a necessary step.

So how do you know you and your baby are ready for sleep training?

  1. Is your baby older than 3 months?
  2. Is your baby no longer waking at night to feed?
  3. Does your baby have a regular sleep routine/schedule?
  4. Is your child free of any medical conditions that can affect his sleep?

If you answered  “yes” to the questions above, you are ready for this important milestone in your family’s life. See my post on sleep training 101 on what to do next!

 

 

Beyond Bottles and Diapers: The Most Important Things You Can Do for Your Newborn are…

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Child development quiz:

  1. The majority of human brain development is completed by a) birth b) age 5 c) age 26
  2. Talking to babies becomes a key step for cognitive development by a) the first day home b) 3 months c) 6 months
  3. Studies show that high-quality educational TV shows such as Sesame Street have a positive effect on babies’ learning abilities age 2 and under: True or false

We all know that showing love and affection to newborns are requirements. But what about long conversations? Playing Mozart? Watching Elmo sing the alphabet? Does any of it really matter or is it all part of the hovering, heli-parenting methods all too common today? Babies can’t understand what we are saying, and they certainly won’t have any memories of this period.

Turns out most of the brain’s core development happens after birth and continuing on up until the child’s 5th year. While our frontal lobe doesn’t fully mature until age 26, the core of “who we are” (personality, habits/behaviors, emotionality, physical health, IQ) is set by age 5, say the latest studies in child development.

That is why it’s so important for early cognitive and physical stimulation in the first few years of life. Every time you speak, express an emotion, show a behavior to a child (working out, brushing teeth, eating well, etc.) you’re building new synapses which become brain neurons: this is how they learn.

Think of your child as a blank slate or a sponge, just waiting to soak up limitless amounts of new information. Engagement should begin as early as day 1: your baby’s mind is waiting to be filled with everything you can teach them… good or bad!

Here are some examples of age-appropriate, cognitive stimulation from newborn to 6 months:

Talk: Speak to your infant constantly.  Don’t worry about the subject; it is just important that you speak directly to your child. The more you are actively engaged with your child the better for their development on all levels: emotional, cognitive, physical, and intellectual. Studies show the number of words that your baby is exposed to is positively correlated to IQ. Many experts recommend that your baby hear ~20,000 words a day.

And unfortunately, according to countless studies, watching Sesame Street does NOT count! From guidelines published just today by the American Academy of Pediatrics:

Watching television or videos is discouraged for babies younger than 2 because studies suggest it could harm their development, a pediatricians’ group said Tuesday. …it also warns parents that their own screen-watching habits may delay their children’s ability to talk.

“This updated policy statement provides further evidence that media — both foreground and background — have potentially negative effects and no known positive effects for children younger than 2 years,” it said. “Thus the A.A.P. reaffirms its recommendation to discourage media use in this age group.”

From the New York Times

Bottom line: there is no substitute for live, human interaction. Mari tip: It can be difficult to keep up a one-sided conversation. To keep it going, I like to narrate what I am doing. “I’m making you some yummy breakfast now. I’m getting a spoon out of the drawer.” Once you get in the habit of it, it becomes very natural.

Read:  It’s never too early!  Even though reading may seem strictly recreational for a newborn, the stimulation you are giving to your child is incredibly rich and multi-faceted.  Reading early to your child also helps to support earlier language and literacy in children as well as many other skills such as communication, listening, memory, and vocabulary.

Reading also helps to promote gross motor functions, such as pincer grasp, pointing, and hand coordination.  Let your child turn the pages and handle the book themselves, giving them a chance to work on their hand-eye skills. Mari tip: I try to read at least 10-20 books throughout the course of a day. Sounds like a lot, but many children’s books take only a minute or two to finish.

 Music: Classical music is a fun supplemental method for mapping new neural and cognitive pathways and aural stimulation, even during fetal development.

You may find it surprising to know that some babies after birth are able to recognize sounds, voices, and songs they heard while in the womb. Classical music is also proven to lower stress and blood pressure in infants.

French researcher, Dr. Alfred A. Tomatisin, in his 1991 book “Pourquoi Mozart?” explored the music of Mozart, coining the phrase, “Mozart Effect”. Similar studies have found that after playing four different kinds of music before people went in to take tests, some had silence and 20 minutes of other music while others had classical music, those who heard Mozart did better on the test. It’s kind of like warming up the brain. Brain is a muscle that needs to be constantly exercised, and classical and other more complex types of music are better for achieving higher brain functioning.

A 1996 study titled “The Effect of Selected Classical Music and Spontaneous Imagery on Plasma B-Endorphin,” explored the effect of music. What they were looking to determine was if silence, music alone, or music with guided verbal imagery could cause a decline of stress hormones. Their research found a significant decline in the hormone in the group of volunteers that used music.

Children’s brains between the ages of 0-5 are twice as active as our own. What they need more than anything is regular exposure to cognitive and physical stimulation via new experiences and allowances for exploration. Providing constant engagement and interaction is the best way to encourage your baby’s mind to reach its full potential.

Adventures at the Park: When Children Go Missing.

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So many times I’ve seen parents or caregivers in a frantic search for a missing child.  It can be difficult on those busy weekends when you’re distracted in thought or conversation, or thinking the other parent is keeping tabs on little Olivia while you chase Monroe, but it turns out Olivia is nowhere to be found because the other parent had assumed YOU were keeping an eye on Olivia!

I know how easily one can get distracted.  A few years ago I was at the park with two little ones.  The oldest was about 18 months at the time, and the youngest was just a few months old.  I was feeding the baby her bottle, but made the milk too hot-so I began pouring the milk between two bottles trying to cool it down.  Meanwhile the oldest child was running around, and I was doing my best to keep tabs on her, but not consistently.  So after a couple for minutes of feeding the baby, I looked up and Sarah was gone.  Completely vanished.  She was JUST there not more than 3 minutes ago, but now was nowhere to be found.  I felt as if my heart dropped to the ground and this horrible sense of terror rushed through my body.

I jumped up with the baby still in my arms, bottle still in her mouth and on the verge of tears, I began searching for her big sister.  I called her name and nothing, well not nothing, by now the baby was screaming her head off from hunger, which just made my frenzy all the worse! After what seemed to be a lifetime, but probably about 2-3 minutes I heard a tiny voice from above, “Mari, what’s wrong?” And there was Sarah who had climbed up to the top of the slide, playing with her (imaginary) friend Jack.

After the relief set in, we went back to playing.  But man, those were the longest 3 minutes of my life! I’ve never been so scared.  After that incident, I made sure that Sarah was close to me if I had to feed the baby. I made this “snack time”, which just made visits to the park so much easier, especially with a toddler and a newborn.  Man, those were some crazy days!!

It always infuriates me when I see a Nanny on the phone at the park ignoring the children they are supposed to be watching. Sometimes the park is like a Nanny meetup; they all sit around the same bench chatting up a storm while the kids are left more or less on their own.

One time I watched two little ones up and leave the park while their nanny was distracted on her cell phone. I kept an eye on them but still, their Nanny shouldn’t have been distracted like that. After realizing her children were missing, she became a frantic mess, so I directed the children back towards the park. Once the Nanny spotted them it looked like she was going to pass out from relief.  It’s just too easy to lose sight of a child while distracted…best to leave the world behind when visiting a park, because all it takes is a glance away to lose sight of a child.

What I have found works is a “plan of attack” before arriving at the park, swimming pool or mall. If you have multiple caregivers and children, assign a kid to each adult, i.e.: Daddy has Sally and Mike, and Mommy has the baby. Make sure there is an understanding that a verbal confirmation is required if one of you needs to step away or handle something that might distract your attention.

Giving your child some tips on what to do if they find themselves lost is great too.  Once they’re old enough to understand (about age 3 and up) tell them:

  • If you find yourself lost or can’t see Mommy and Daddy, just sit right down and wait and we will find you.
  • Try to find another Mommy or Daddy and ask if they can help you.
  • Always stay nearby to us, so you can always see Mommy and Daddy, even if we’re busy.  If you can see us, than we can see you!

The Science of Positive Parenting and the Empowered Child.

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I know in this day and age it seems as if we’re constantly bombarded by theories, techniques, and trendy beliefs about parenting. There is attachment parenting, free-range parenting, Babywise parenting. How do you know which method is best?

In my experience, one technique called “Positive Parenting” has always has the most success. (Note that as a Nanny, I would never take the place of a parent, but as a caregiver I employ parenting practices with children in my care.)

So what is Positive Parenting?  Positive Parenting stems from the school of Positive Psychology, whose key idea is that building a strong sense of well-being will provide the esteem and confidence needed for a happy life.  Positive Parenting uses this idea to nurture and support a child’s own well being by fostering empowerment and independence.  When children have a positive state of mind, they are healthier and happier than those who do not, and are able to self-regulate their own feelings better.

From a recent study by OSU and Eugene based Oregon Social Learning Center:

“The researchers found that children who had parents who monitored their behavior, were consistent with rules and were warm and affectionate, were more likely to have close relationships with their peers, be more engaged in school, and have better self-esteem.”

Taken from: Science Daily

There are many ways to empower your child. Empowerment teaches your child to be responsible for their own actions, and by being accountable for their own decisions, it provides a strong foundation for independence which is key in positive parenting.

Now, when I say “responsible” and “accountable” I mean within reason, because there are some decisions best left to the grown ups!  There are however, simple decisions you can allow your toddler to make on their own, from a very early age.  Such as:

  • Choosing their own snack
  • Deciding on an activity
  • Picking out clothes to wear

Those are all great ways to establish your child’s independence and confidence in themselves.  In doing this, even in the small ways, your child will learn to accept both good and bad consequences for their own decisions. And because they feel a part of the decisionmaking, you will see more cooperation from them.

For example, Little B (just turned 2) really wanted to go to the zoo last week.  But she would not sit still and there was so much to do before we headed out.  So I gave her two options: ”‘We can stay home and you can run around and play inside, OR you can come with me now to get your shoes and socks on so we can leave for the zoo. It’s your choice.” She went into her room and patiently sat as I put her shoes and socks on. Shortly afterwards, we were headed to the zoo.

What I love about Positive Parenting is that it involves both the caregiver and the child to reach a satisfactory conclusion.  Sure, I could have picked little B up and dealt with her struggles while I put on her shoes. I know she wants to go to the zoo, so why not shortcut the process and just make her do the right thing? After all she’s only a toddler. But to do so would have resulted in the following:

  1. She learns that people will disregard her opinion whenever it is convenient for them.
  2. She feels frustrated and powerless.

Toddlers act out when they feel frustrated. This is often the trigger for tantrums. It is hard to think of them as miniature people, who have their own internal world of desires, feelings and concerns, but that is how we should treat them.

So what to do when you want your toddler to do something they are resisting entirely, like bedtime or ending playtime? Many times it is still possible to give them choices… but instead of whether they do it, it’s in how they do it. For example Little B loves to play in the yard. Once she is out there, she never wants to come back inside. So when it is time, I do two things:

  1. I give her advance notice. “10 minutes and we go inside for lunch!” “5 minutes to lunch!” Etc.. In the adult world we call this a heads up. Everyone, including toddlers, can appreciate the courtesy of a heads up.
  2. I give her some kind of choice in the action: “Little B, it is time for lunch. Do you want to walk in by yourself or do you want me to carry you?” Or “Do you want to take a toy in with you or leave it here for later?”

Another key aspect of Positive Parenting is that you value and praise the good behaviors and ignore the negative.  Rather than constantly saying, “No”; repeatedly threatening your child; and failing to follow through with consequences, try a little bit of positive parenting and through praising the positive behaviors in the moment you can actually influence your child from using negative behaviors in the future.

Another great example is from a recent dinner I had with my sister and nephew.  My nephew was all over the place…the majority of his food was flying across the table and not going into his mouth.  Rather than threatening him with going home if “you do that one more time” or if “you don’t sit nice in your seat”, I gave him a choice.

“Vincent, we can stay here, eat a nice dinner and you can have a yummy treat if you listen well and follow the rules, OR we can go home right now with no treat because you chose not to listen, it’s your choice. Up to you.”

He soon was sitting nicely eating his dinner, and as soon as I saw him following through, I praised him for his efforts and told him I appreciated his good listening.  This seemed to make him quite proud of himself, as he had the biggest grin and was so happy to show me he ate all of his meal.  Right after, it was my turn to follow through with my promise to him and we went for dessert.

Something else I could have done as sort of a preventive measure, would be to catch him right when he’s acting appropriately and praise his behavior at that moment. If I had done that I might have been able to avoid getting all that flying food stuck in my hair!

Positive parenting can be a parent’s best defense and offense. If used correctly, and is such a valuable gift for your little one.